12 Signs of an Unhappy Marriage
87How to know that your Marriage is in Trouble
Not all marriages are made in heaven. A marriage in order to be a happy one takes a considerable amount of work. There are many signs to an unhappy marriage. I am giving below some of those signs. If either or any of the partners is behaving in such a manner then the chances are that it is an unhappy or failing marriage.
1) Frequent Arguments and Disrespect: If there are frequent disagreements between the husband and wife it is a definite sign that all is not well in the marriage. Abusive behavior and disrespect is another sign of an unhappy marriage. Some couples even resort to constant name calling, hurtful or vulgar behavior and bringing up issues that will purposely hurt the other person. Some not only curse each other they even throw objects at each other or get violent with each other. This can also be devastating for children of the unhappy couple if any.
2) Lack of Communication: If either or one partner has stopped communicating like he or she used to earlier that is a sure sign of unhappiness in marriage. While some couples choose to get into arguments or verbal lashing some couples stop communicating and keep a distance with each other. They stop sharing their thoughts and feelings with each other and stop consulting each other about home or personal issues. Couples in unhappy marriages often busy themselves with distractions to avoid the real issues.
3) Lies or keeping Secrets from one another: When the Marriage is on rocks many couples become too secretive about their activities. For instance if the spouse leaves the room frequently for private phone conversations or switch of the phone suddenly when the partner appears in front of them it is a sign to be beware. A happy couple often talks about their plans for the future. One of the signs of an unhappy marriage is that the spouse no longer shares hopes and dreams of future with you.
4) Not Spending time with you: If your spouse suddenly has started to spend more time with friends regularly than they spend time with you it is a sign of troubles in your relationship. Your spouse may even find excuses to stay at work late just to avoid being with you. Frequent trips made by one party or both, extended working hours, more time spent separately with friends and general avoidance of the other party can all be signs of an unhappy marriage. If the Spouse suddenly develops new hobbies and prefers to spend time alone without your company it is one of the signs that your marriage is in trouble. Such a person may also display Escapism.
5) Lack of Intimacy and Affection: If either of the parties do not display signs of love or affection like hugs, kiss or compliments then the marriage has lost its spark. Many times the spouse may also indulge in comparing you with others or praising others in front of you. Many times even the hand holding is gone, the pats on the back are absent and they usually won’t be sleeping in the same bed also. Lack of intimacy is one of the most common indicators of lack of emotional connection. Though the honeymoon phase may not last forever a total disinterest or lack of intimacy with spouse may be a sign of marital discontent.
6) Drinking or Drug usage: Some people tend to think they can drown their problems by drinking or using drugs. If such a habit has started suddenly that may be a sign of an unhappy marriage.
7) Partner Infidelity : Adultery or Partner Infidelity is a clear sign
that the marriage is an unhappy one. When such a thing happens it is very hard
to recover from an affair because once trust is gone it does not come back fast.
There are instances when the marriage is under false pretenses (like the
husband is not a Gay when he is one). A cheating husband or wife is a clear
indication of an unhappy marriage.Sometimes one may make a sudden change in appearance or be secretive of
their phone calls and may indulge in huge credit card spending when they are
cheating on their spouses apart from spending time away from home.
8) Body language: The Body language between the husband and wife can also point if the marriage is a happy or unhappy one. Bad body language and behavior between spouses can be indication of an unhappy marriage.
9) Selfishness and not caring for the needs of the Spouse: When marriage is unhappy it will appear that one spouse will be unselfish with his or her feelings. He or she will not care that their activities bother the other person or care for the other persons needs.
10) Depression and
Loneliness: If
any of the partners is suffering from any form of depression or is exhibiting
signs of depression is clear that he or she is unhappy. He or she will get even
unhappy with the marriage if they feel alone in this suffering.Some may even have stronger
feelings of regret regarding a choice of partner. Many may lose or put weight in such a condition because they either eat more
or eat less.
11) Falling out of Love or having unrealistic Expectations: Many enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations and when they do not get fulfilled the marriage becomes an unhappy one. There are also instances where the couple who was in love fall out of love and lose interest in the spouse.
12) Other Issues: Sometimes other issues also can lead to unhappiness in marriage like monetary troubles or work pressures. There can also be problems from in laws or children.
In order to make a marriage succeed both husband and wife should stay emotionally connected and work towards building trust and love in the relationship. Have I missed anything? Please feel free to add through Comments.
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im the luckiest of them all coz i have all of your problems but what can I do? Divorce is not yet allowed in the Philippines so I just learned to life my life as it is...thanks for some friends!
My hubby and I have been together for 8 years marrie for 6.. We have 2 kids.. Our first child born when I was 17.. My kids are my world, I may have screwed up and had them early but that doesn't change how I feel for them.. I think because I was a teen mom I worked so hard to defend my reputation.. I dreamt of the perfect situation baby's daddy around an marriage and living on a cloud.. When I look back I didn't do any of these things for love for my husband.. I is it for reputation.. My husband helps with very little around the house we both work 50 hr weeks but when we come home he plunks on the couch and I am stuck cooking, cleaning, doing homework with the kids, playing with the kids bathing and bedtime.. Everything!! We argue all the time infront of the kids and have barely any sex or emotion towards each other.. My problem is leaving and having nothing but wart broken kids.. I have no where to go.. It's scary when this life is all I know.. I don't want to disappoint my family and friends, or my kids.. I ask my self every day does my happiness matter? And as of right now.. I live sad and lonely to keep my kids happy.. HELP :(
hello everyone,im iris 34 yrs of age n been married for 19 yrs..my husband is alot older hes going on 48...we have 4 kids together...we both work n its getting to be where..im thinking of divorce...ive been unhappy for awhile now...the issue here is that i still enjoy doing spontanious stuff which for him he likes to be on the couch...even on weekends he doesnt wanna go out...no sex for 6 months now...when i kiss him is on his forhead..lol..but i just dont feel like i used too...many people say its because i married young..which i disagree i see alot of couple still doing stuff after all the yrs they been together...i tolerated because we lost a son together n dont want to hurt him by leaving...just dont know what to do..just very unhappy n confused..8(
I haven marry for 11 yrs & we have 4 children.He was the only men have beign with .I though a older men was going to trear me better but I was wrong.Even though he was 13 yrs older than me but instead he was constanly screaming at me & calling me names.nothing was never good enough for him all the time .He cheated on me & call me names when i got pregnant.He hated me because he hates pregnanr women.He call me a fat cow all the time.When I treathen to leave he would cry & beg me to stay.then he would change for few months & start the abuse all over.he says marriges suppose to be like this.I got tired of this situation & left.this is his 2 nd divorce.Iam happy beighn a single mom.My marrige was soo abusive that iam not planning to get marry again thats for sure.
i met my boyfriend two months ago,He is having a 15 year old child from previous relationship,i don't feel comfortable about the child,i really wanted him to stop conversation because is frustrating me,sometimes i feel like devorcing the man because is hectic
I have been married for 1 1/2 and has been rocky since we started dating 4 years ago. Why did I still get married with him? I don't know. I guess I love him and thought things would change. He is a great Father to our 2 children but a lousy husband. He is not affectionate attentive nor communicative. I am always last for everything. I have tried telling him to be more affectionate but he tells me that thats the way he always been and always will. Now I don't know if he loves me. I sure can't tell. Even when we have sex he treats me like a whore. Which at first was fun and exciting but now I feel like theres no more love making. He also has a bad temper and I feel like I am walking on egg shells. He is a great man when he wants to. But he rarely does. I don't know what to do? Should I even consider counseling?
I am on my second marriage. I met a wonderful gentle man. Everything seemed perfect until we wed 5 months ago. Sex was awesome even though he treated me like a roomate. I enjoyed him. I thought I could deal with it all until he borrowed money from my paycheck, $200. He said he would give it back but didn't. I make minimum wage and he makes $26 an hour. He doesn't help with any of my expenses, so if I don't have money for food I don't eat. He says he loves me, how can this be? I am very sad and somewhat stuck in this until I can save up to get out.
sorry to hear that lou after 10 year she should had been better to you but some people really dont care about other people feeling, so their start acting like fools and then wonder why they are alone. dont beat ur self up for it. if you really want it to work then u need to tell her how you feel about it, and if she dont care and starts to fight then she really dont desire you.
I am not happy in this marriage at all. I lost my job because of my husband and his affair.I"ve come to where I hate him and can't stand looking at him, I caught him cheating, bring his woman to my home I worked 3 jobs to get,my dream home.Then he has the nerve to tell me I am blowing it out of proportion. Now I"m unemployed and can't afford to get out, which makes me hate him more. He acts like nothing ever happened. Life sucks!!!
Totally regret marriage and kids. Just simply dont like being married. Sick of it. Did the right thing and stayed for 20 years but totally regret it. Ive been both single and married', single wins hands down. Have absolutely no desire to "work on marriage". When marriage requires work, its because it sux. Divorce for a hard working male is a nightmare !!! They get your f@&$)&g pension, house, child support, legal bills payed and alimony. If your a single and sucessfull male dont ever ever ever even consider getting married, you can only lose. The courts absolutely favor the female in all venues, all jurisdictions and in just about all settlements. Marriage should require lawyers to enter. Hope all you young guys do your homework and find out the truth regarding the legal ramifacations of entering a marriage with a pre cana instead of a legal cosult. Its just a total shit deal.
My husband sisters husband doesnt like me. she is the only sister he have. when there is misunderstanding between me and my husband she always sympathise with her brother.
My husband hasn't satisfied me in almost 28 years. No intimacy, no sex, no nothing. He only cares about himself. We live like neighbors he sleeps down stairs and I have the upstairs. Communication between us is long gone. We have no kids or any where for me to go. Were in our mid 60's now and I don't expect any thing to change. I've asked him why we got married, and all he will says I ask myself the same question every morning
Every point you make is correct. I am on the rocks and don't know what to do. You see I took my wife back after 10 years on my own and then 10 years with a lover who succumbed to alzheimers disease. I took my first wife back no questions asked. That was a mistake! It seemed sexy at first but I soon learned that she is the same dropout as she was the first time we split.
my love plays games and stays on the computer while i clean cook and take care of the kids. ya some time it pisses me too! hate being a slave also, but really cant say much about him relaxing, when i met him, he was doing all the things i can,t stand now. but dont for get we get lazy too when it come to sex. lol! it like making him pay but the true is we both work the same way. him at the job and me at home so really it not as bad as you thing just got to take it one day at a time a learn to work together. love my hubby
you can be happy and be full fill, you and ur parten has to remember what was it u like of each other and remember why was it u fell in love with each other in the first place. every thing else fall easy when you open up and comunacat with each other. alway listen to each other ideas, stress, problem never shut each other down. even if u dont care! because real love never dies it just keep growing and so does the trust. p.s in order to give love u must love yr self first and be happy.
In an effort to address some balance on this forum, it's not just women that can have an unhappy marriage. I have been married for 4 years and together with my wife for 7 years.
I feel that I have always been honest, tried hard and given as much as I can, however I will be the first to admit I have switched off in the last 6 months or so.
My wife has (in my opinion) developed extremely high expectations of our marriage, what it should be like, how I should behave, and what I am allowed to do of not do with anyone outside of our marriage.
Women can quickly change too!
I have seen a side to her in the last 6-12 months I do not like. Nothing is good enough anymore, and she constantly tells me I am a selfish man....
I haven't changed, I am the same person, with the sane friends, job, and life I've always had in the time we've been together.
I just wonder if anyone is ever really truly happy in marriage.
Maybe as humans were just not designed to be together forever, emotionally, physically or spiritually!
Pretty much sums up my marriage, which isn't much of a marriage. Consists of me being the slave while he plays video games all day. My advise, don't do it!
so true i am 30 been with my hubby for 16 years and the connection is gone. he rather drink and work help other and forget that we are support to help each other and love each other, sex is wack he change and i am tired of the bull.
There are a lot of true statements in this article. The professional I talk to says a majority of marriage failures starts in the bedroom.
one point missing is level of education means understanding between couples plus respect each others if there any unbalance in those points may be come unhappy marriage
My husband and I r all the above except he works hard at being a wonderful husband - it's me I am sexually soooo u happy! I never had sex issues, but with him yes I do! He is just so selfish he rather just sleeps with me whe. I am asleep then have real intimacy! Let's just say he sucks and I have to admit ( I am ashamed for this) I am into this guy and I am afraid if the situation would arise that I would for sure sleep with him! It's stressing me out! I was sexually abused as a child and yes I know I should talk about it with him but I am seriously ashamed I feel guilty and just aweful about myself! Everyone always writes how selfish cheating is and to be honest and if I don't want to be married I should get out- well it's NOT that simple- I depend on him I depend on his money we hav animals I can't live without and we hav property! I am so stressed out about this because I feel so much shame.. People are so cruel and have no idea what it feels lik being in this situation! I don't even want to be around him anymore he is so annoying and clingy, he is quiet a bit older. Than I am like 14 years and even though I said the vows that day I knew I had made a mistake! He is not mean to me does anything for me but I am still not happy ... Am I at fault? Am I the problem? I have talked to him but he just wants to hear that everything will be ok! What am I supposed to do all he says is he loves me so much and that he would do anything for me yet actions are missing... Could you help me figure this out because I feel very alone
i want the best for my marriage but im just finding out that my wife is truly unappy shes done everything uve stated and i dont want to be the person that makes her miserable its making me unhappy
i m not happy my wife i have a baby my wife is only 6th class passed what can i do pls help me deepak keswani
What to do? I love my husband but he has been actting so different .We fight alot over stupid stuff and he doesn't do anything for his self anymore Its not that he can't its just he won't..I didn't marry him to be used like this..What can I do ?
My husband & his family hide so many things before our marriage. I can't accept this & feel bad. I don't know what to do. My husband is otherwise ok but he never says sorry to me or never thinks that they lie to me about cv and some other important issue.
You write a lot about the difficulties of marriage. What's that all about?
35 years to a control freak i want out badly. Emointless i rate our sex life as a 3 as long as he gets 2 minutes of satifacation
Mary it was NOT your fault. It was HIS fault. I should know, I never had children but it never stoppped my ex-husband from 'nicking about' down the pub with 'other women'.I was only married 3.5 years. After 17.5 years and HIS £8,000 of debt later I had enough. I got my own place and tossed him out.
He did not know he was born, being married to me. I was a real good wife. He had it all, a wife that worked , a real good job and a bought flat in a real nice area. He married some low life dame and now lives in the gutter.
great article!!! and yes i do agree with mary.
Great article! Reading every point I realize how I missed a lot of the signs that were there in my husbands behavior, but I was to focus on my new born child.
Now having being hurt by my husbands infidelity trying to built things back one year after I realize that I can can forgive him but will not forget.
I most definitely will end my marriage but still believe you can make things work a recover when both partners are willing and give it all!
marriage is just a piece of paper..
Good Article I think all the above can happen in different times in a marriage but abuse should not be tolerated. Working at it is key. A marriage goes thru ups and downs.
I appreciate that you said at the article end it may be time to work on marriage rather than time to end it.
Thanks for the encouragement soniji!
karobi : Coming from a marriage counselor, that's a great compliment. Thank you!
Animaka, what a nice hub keep them coming. And I think as I am into marriage counseling I will refer some of my client to this hub. I think you just earn yourself a fan.
thanks once more
This is an excellent hub and I found you through facebook and then ezinearticles. You are doing a great job by interlinking your sites. By the way, my hub score is getting down. Can you tell me why it is happening?
Thanks for the visit Madison22, Sandeep Sharma, rogeratlantic and Rismayanti for your kind comments.
Sandeep Sharma: Thanks a lot for the encouragement. I have already written articles on related topics.
great hub anamika.. give more information. thank you
Very nice observation. I want to add one thing for me that matters in a relationship that we must put God in the center of every relationship.
Good job Ana! May I most humbly suggest tht you could even think of re-formatting this wonderful dignostic treatise into an even more comprehensive and useful solution-oriented tool by weaving-in certain (positive) remedial measures alongside the alarming symptoms of marriages turning sour. It wuld certainly be a great help in today's turbulent strss and strife torn times. Take care ...
Sandeep
Wow you pretty much covered them all...Good list!!
Nice to know you liked it Jay. Thanks for the visit.
Good work Anamika. The points you have listed are apt and true. Btw Im not married. Keep up the good work.
fishskinfreak2008 : Yes constructive arguments may be good. My point is many expect a perfect marriage or partner and when their expectations does not meet they get unhappy.
Barryrutherford : Marriage is not bad. But making it successful needs constant efforts. Here are 10 reasons to get married.http://hubpages.com/hub/Ten-Reasons-for-Getting-Ma
AllMomNeeds2know : Thanks for the nice comment Fiona.
Nice job with this article. Marriage is constant work and if a couple has been married for any length of time and has kids it's often stressful and it takes lots of work to make a marriage work. Great examples.
Fiona
mm thank god im not married...good hub
Anamika
Arguments may be beneficial as long as the argument is CONSTRUCTIVE
As far as "Imperfections" is concerned, NO ONE IS PERFECT so I can't agree with you there.
All your other points are legit. Nice job
Nice to know that you agree kunika.
you are right Anamika.
Sadness 2 weeks ago
Married a year and a half... His past is his present and always. It makes me sick. I've lost 3 babies nd over 20 lbs due to depression. Frankly my surroundings make me sick, the weird sexuality of his friends and constant family interference make me uncomfortable. I feel like a rat in a cage watching pink elephants run amok while all of them have tea. It's much deeper than this, but I betterbe vague or sorry, because I have not worked out my escape plan yet...